Unpacking the Impact of Stress: Beyond the Busy-ness of Life

It's common for the people I work with, friends and family, and even myself for that matter, to not be able to find the words for how they are feeling, or for what is happening to them.  It is so confusing in the language of emotions and mental health to even know what people mean when they say they are anxious, stressed, or burnt out. Today let's explore stress and what we really mean when we talk about being ‘stressed out’.

Stress rarely announces itself with a bang.  It doesn’t always arrive in loud, dramatic ways.  There are no flashing lights or warning sirens. More often, it tiptoes in quietly over a period of time where we feel we are coping with life’s demands. Stress can be disguised as a few restless nights or that tight feeling in your chest you brush off as "just being tired." It shows up in the snapping replies to loved ones or colleagues that you didn't mean to say, the forgotten items on your to-do list, the aching shoulders you keep meaning to stretch. At first, it whispers then before you know it, it’s almost screaming at you.

Over my lifespan I’ve often noticed it only once it’s too late — when the fog has already settled in, when I find myself holding back tears over something small, or unable to concentrate on anything at all. That’s the thing about stress: it builds slowly, silently, until it demands to be felt. And by then, it can feel like too much, too fast, too overwhelming. In fact, just last month, I found myself standing in the kitchen staring blankly, wondering what on earth I came in for. My to-do list had grown arms and legs, an urgent family situation needed my attention, the meetings I had scheduled kept getting moved, and I felt I was running on empty. I noticed I was clenching my jaw and griding my teeth (one of my sure giveaways I have learned), and I had snapped at my husband over something completely trivial –for those of you that work with me it was the dreaded tea towel (you know!). The guilt and shame that followed were the familiar companions of stress, the sense that not only am I struggling, but somehow, I shouldn't be.  As a clinical psychologist I have felt that this can sometimes be even harder to manage, as surely I’m meant to know better.  Aren’t I?

This blog is about understanding how stress works — not just in theory, but in real life. It’s about learning to recognise its early signs, reconnect with your self, and respond with compassion rather than criticism. Because the earlier we notice it, the more gently we can care for ourselves. 

So, let’s dive in together. What exactly is happening when stress takes hold, and how can we learn to work with it rather than against it?

So, What Do We Even Mean by Stress?

When we talk about ‘stress’, we have really ‘borrowed’ the word from physics as we are talking about pressure being exerted on an object and in psychological terms, that object is us.  At its core, being ‘stressed’ or ‘strained’ is what happens when the demands placed on us stretch or even exceed our ability to cope. It’s not just about being busy or tired, it’s about the moment when life asks more of us than we feel we can give. That mismatch can come from external pressures such as work deadlines, financial worries, relationship strains — or internal ones, like perfectionism, self-doubt, or the pressure to keep it all together. When we don’t feel we have enough time, energy, emotional support, or physical resources to meet those demands, our nervous system kicks into high alert. This is the body’s way of saying: Something needs attention you are under ‘strain’ and therefore ‘stressed’.

Some stress is short-lived, what we might call acute stress. It’s the surge of adrenaline before a presentation, the rush when you’re running late, the spike of anxiety before a big conversation. Acute stress is usually time-limited and can even be helpful in small doses even sharpening our focus, giving us energy, helping us respond quickly. Think of acute stress like a well-timed shot of espresso. Just as a shot of espresso provides a quick burst of energy and focus when you need it helping you power through a challenging moment, acute stress can sharpen your mind and give you the necessary push to meet an immediate demand. However, just as relying too heavily on espresso can lead to jitters or burnout, frequent, unmanaged acute stress can eventually wear you down.

But when stress doesn’t go away, when the pressures keep coming, or when we stay on high alert even after the threat has passed, it becomes chronic stress. That’s the slow burn. The background hum of tension that doesn’t let up. Over time, chronic stress wears us down, affecting our sleep, memory, mood, digestion, immune system, and even our sense of self. It’s exhausting not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too.  Think about physics, from where we borrowed the word stress.  Imagine taking a pencil and applying pressure – if you apply too much stress, or apply it for too long, the pencil will break.  The same applies to us.

What makes this even more complex is that stress isn’t just about what’s happening — it’s about how we experience what’s happening. Two people might face the same situation and react very differently. Our personal history, coping skills, trauma, support systems, and even our beliefs about ourselves all shape our stress response. What overwhelms one person might be manageable for another and that doesn’t make one stronger or weaker. It just means we each carry different loads, shaped by different lives.  It’s also about where we are in life.  What we could withstand in our younger days, potentially because we have more energy or perhaps less responsibility, becomes harder when there is a mortgage to pay, sleepless nights, children to run to school, or a partner that needs caring for.

This difference about what we can cope with compared to others, or what we can bear now compared to what we might have previously managed, just leads to further self-doubt, criticism and shame.

Psychological Theories of Stress

Stress isn’t just about what happens to us, it’s about how our body and mind respond to those experiences. Over the years, several psychological theories have tried to explain this process, offering different insights into why we react the way we do under pressure. Here are two particularly useful frameworks that I often draw on in both my clinical work and personal reflections.

1. The Transactional Model of Stress (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984)

According to Lazarus and Folkman’s Transactional Model of Stress, what causes stress isn’t the situation alone — it’s how we interpret it. This model highlights the importance of cognitive appraisal, which is the way we evaluate whether something feels threatening and whether we believe we have the resources to handle it.

There are two key stages in this mental process:

• Primary appraisal: Is this situation harmful, threatening, or irrelevant?

• Secondary appraisal: Can I cope with it?

One person might see a tight deadline as a challenge: another as a disaster. The difference lies in how they appraise the situation and their own ability to cope.  It also explains why the same person can react at different times in their lives, and why sometimes just one extra thing tips you from ‘I have got this’ to ‘I can’t cope’. Imagine you’re preparing for a crucial work presentation.

Primary Appraisal:

• In one moment, you might evaluate the presentation as an opportunity—a chance to showcase your ideas (challenge appraisal).

  
  

• In another instance, if you’re already feeling overwhelmed, you might see the same presentation as a looming threat that could expose your shortcomings (threat appraisal).

Secondary Appraisal:

• When you appraise it as a challenge, you might think, “I have prepared well, and I can manage this presentation.” This thought activates a sense of confidence and motivation, and the resulting stress is a burst of energy that helps you focus.

  
  

• Conversely, if you appraise the situation as a threat, you might think, “I’m not ready, and I don’t have enough time to prepare.” This belief can trigger anxiety and overwhelm, leading to a stress response that hampers your performance.

I would certainly describe myself as someone who likes to be busy and have things that keep me 'moving forward'. I often have several projects on the go at any one time, none of which usually makes me feel too much stress. When I found myself overwhelmed in the past, it wasn’t just , a broken down car or the back-to-back work tasks or managing a young family. The real stress came from the internal voice whispering, “I can't manage all this right now.” That belief, that I didn’t have the capacity to cope, triggered the sense of threat. It wasn’t the events alone, but the interpretation of them that lit up my stress response.

2. Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges, 1995)

Another lens for understanding stress comes from Polyvagal Theory, which focuses on how our nervous system responds to safety and danger and I have written about this theory in a previous blog. Building on traditional fight-or-flight concepts, Porges introduced a more nuanced view of our autonomic nervous system. He showed that under threat, we don’t just fight or flee, we may also freeze, shut down, or dissociate.  These states aren’t conscious choices. They’re deeply wired survival responses.  When a person feels overwhelmed, unheard, or emotionally unsafe, the body may default into a dorsal vagal state, a kind of biological “shutdown.” This can look like numbness, fatigue, or feeling disconnected from oneself and others.

Clients often describe it as being on autopilot or watching life happen from the outside, unable to engage. From the outside, this might look like apathy or avoidance, but internally, it’s a nervous system trying to protect itself from overload.  Recognising this as a physiological response not a personal failing can be incredibly validating.

The Neurobiology of Stress

Stress isn’t just about being busy — it’s the body and brain responding to a perceived threat. Whether the danger is real or imagined, our nervous system is designed to protect us. This hardwired response has helped humans survive for thousands of years. But in today’s world, the same protective mechanism can sometimes work against us.

Human adaptation to environmental change happens slowly, over centuries and millennia. If we compare our modern lives to those of our prehistoric ancestors, it’s clear that the world around us has changed dramatically — and rapidly. While anatomically modern humans have existed for around 300,000 years, many of the most significant changes to our environment have occurred in just the past century.

We now live surrounded by noise, technology, and overstimulation: the constant hum of cities, overhead power lines, artificial light, traffic, televisions, ticking clocks, mobile phones, computers, and — more recently — the internet. Our homes are often smaller and more densely packed, our communities more fragmented, and our daily routines more fast-paced and demanding.

In contrast, when we lived in caves, our greatest stressors were immediate and physical — like hunting, gathering, and surviving the elements. Today, we face more chronic and complex pressures: education, careers, family life, relationships, parenting, time pressure, commuting, social obligations, financial strain, and digital overload. These modern stressors are difficult to escape and often accumulate, contributing to the overwhelming pace of life many of us experience.

At the heart of our safety system is the threat detection network in the brain:

• The amygdala acts like an internal alarm system, constantly scanning the environment for danger — even before we’re consciously aware of it.

• The hippocampus helps us compare the current situation with past experiences. “Have I been here before? Was it safe?”

• The hypothalamus receives the signal and activates the HPA axis (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis), which sets off a chain reaction of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

This cascade prepares the body for action. Heart rate increases. Breathing becomes shallow and rapid. Muscles tense. Blood is redirected to essential organs. It’s the classic fight-or-flight response, a brilliant system if you’re facing a predator or running from a burning building.

But here’s the catch: the brain doesn’t always distinguish between physical danger and psychological pressure. Modern life bombards us with stressors like work deadlines, parenting responsibilities, social comparison, and financial uncertainty. These may not be life-threatening, but to the brain, they can feel or be appraised as if they are.

What I noticed that day in my kitchen wasn’t just overwhelm. It was my sympathetic nervous system in full swing. My heart was pounding, my chest was tight, and I had that fluttery, unsettled feeling in my stomach. My body was gearing up to run, but there was no tiger in my kitchen. Just a broken car, an overflowing calendar, and the very human tendency to take on too much.

This mismatch between what we face and how our bodies respond is at the core of chronic stress. When the stress response is activated too frequently, or doesn’t switch off, it can begin to affect our mood, immune system, memory, and even our relationships. Over time, it’s not just a short burst of tension. It becomes a physiological burden we carry day after day.

What stress isn't

Stress is a natural response to an external demand — a way for your brain and body to gear up to meet a challenge. Whether it’s the adrenaline rush before a big presentation, the morning scramble to get the kids out the door, or the mental preparation for a difficult conversation, stress mobilises both your physical and cognitive resources to help you cope.

It’s important to recognise, however, that while we often use the terms stress, anxiety, and burnout interchangeably, they each describe distinct psychological experiences — even though they can sometimes overlap.

Stress is usually situational and short-term. It tends to subside once the pressure passes. In small doses, stress can even be helpful — sharpening focus, boosting motivation, and providing a sense of urgency when it’s needed. But when stress becomes chronic — when demands keep piling up without adequate time for rest and recovery — it begins to take a toll on both physical and emotional health.

Stress isn’t the same as anxiety.

While stress is often triggered by something specific, anxiety tends to be more internal and persistent. It’s rooted in perception, not necessarily reality and often fuelled by thoughts about what might go wrong in the future.

You might feel anxious even when there’s no immediate pressure, just an underlying sense that something is wrong. If it begins to interfere with daily life, it may be part of an anxiety disorder.

Unlike stress, anxiety doesn’t always go away when the external situation changes, because it’s often driven by internal threat appraisals.

Stress isn’t just feeling tired — that could be burnout.

Burnout is what happens when stress is left unchecked for too long, especially in roles that demand constant output with little replenishment. It's a deep, cumulative exhaustion not just physical tiredness, but emotional depletion and loss of meaning.  Burnout is a different beast altogether – one my esteemed colleague Claire Plumbly has written a book about (titled Burnout for anyone wanting to look it up), and one I often work with.  I will cover Burnout in a future blog because there is much to understand about this phenomenon. 

What I see when people reach burnout is their brains literally turning the 'off switch' because the stress has gone on for too long and at too high an intensity.  Working with burnout requires a deep understanding of it because it needs soothing of your nervous system and 'turning the brain back on’.  This might sound dramatic but when people come to me with burnout, they literally can’t think straight as their brains are in shutdown.

What burnout feels like:

• Emotional exhaustion – feeling like you have nothing left to give – fatigue physically and mentally.

• Depersonalisation – becoming detached or cynical or disconnected from the people or tasks around you.

• Reduced sense of efficacy – feeling like you’re not making a difference or that you’re failing even when you’re trying your hardest.

Burnout often develops in caregiving, professional, or high responsibility/powered roles; the roles that usually demand the person just keeps ongoing even when they receive the signs to stop. But it can happen in any part of life such as parenting, studying, and even relationships. Over time, it drains your energy, your emotional bandwidth, and your belief that what you’re doing matters.

Where they overlap — and why it matters

Stress, anxiety, and burnout can look and feel similar, and they often feed into one another:

• Ongoing stress can lead to anxiety, especially if it starts to feel unmanageable.

• Prolonged stress and anxiety without proper rest or support can result in burnout.

• Burnout can heighten anxiety and make it harder to cope with everyday stress.

Why it helps to know the difference

Its important to note that stress is an everyday response to life. Even when you are feeling stressed it is not a mental health disorder - though it can impact your mental wellbeing. The same with anxiety. Anxiety is an everyday occurrence as your brain tries to keep you safe by predicting the future. It is only when it significantly impairs your quality of life or functioning that it should be labelled as a mental health condition. I think its important we normalise human functioning in the mental health realms and I will talk about that in a future blog.

Burnout however, is a mental health condition because its the end point of stress and anxiety, often combined, when you haven't listened to what your mind and body have tried to tell you.

When you can name what you're experiencing, you can meet it with the right kind of care.

• If it’s stress, maybe you need to offload or reprioritise.

• If it’s anxiety, perhaps it’s time to soothe your nervous system and gently challenge your thoughts.

• If it’s burnout, your system might need true rest, reconnection, and a re-evaluation of your boundaries.

The Good News: Your Brain Can Change

The good news? Neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to adapt and rewire itself means we’re not stuck with the stress patterns we’ve learned. The same system that once reacted to constant pressure or old survival habits can also learn to regulate, reset, and reclaim calm.

With consistent practice, tools like mindfulness, deep breathing, movement, and psychological therapy can help the nervous system recalibrate. These practices signal to the brain and body, “You’re safe now.” Over time, they reshape how we respond not by eliminating stress, but by changing our relationship to it.

This is powerful. It means that no matter how long we’ve been operating in survival mode, there’s a way back to steadiness. Healing doesn’t mean never getting triggered — it means recognising it more quickly and responding with more choice.

Self-Awareness: The First Step Toward Change

One of the most important skills I teach clients, and continually practise myself, is the art of noticing. Recognising how you are doing, what’s happening and noticing the stress response as it happens is the first step toward changing it.

When I caught myself that day, snapping and rushing around the house, I paused just long enough to name it: “This is stress. My threat system is activated. I’m not in danger, I’m overwhelmed.” That small moment of self-awareness created just enough space to breathe, soften, and choose a different response.

Self-awareness isn’t always comfortable. It can reveal just how often we’re functioning from tension, fear, or pressure without even realising it. But it’s also empowering. Because once we can see what’s happening, we’re no longer just reacting — we’re engaging with it.

The Hidden Role of Boundaries

Another major contributor to stress is the absence of boundaries. Many of us (me included in the past) have internalised beliefs like, “I must always be helpful,” or “I should be able to manage everything.” In the past, I have found myself saying yes to things, extra reports, more meetings, squeezing in “just one more” client. Unsurprisingly, I ended up physically and emotionally exhausted.

Boundaries are not selfish; they are essential. Without them, we deplete ourselves, and ironically, become less effective at the very things we care about. I often tell clients that boundaries are an act of compassion, not only towards ourselves but also towards others. They help us show up consistently, rather than running on fumes and burnout.  One of the big things I encourage people to focus on is identifying, setting and maintaining boundaries.

Why Do We Find It So Hard to Prioritise Our Own Needs?

When we’re under stress, one of the first things to fall by the wayside is our ability to care for ourselves. We cancel the walk with friends we were looking forward to, skip meals or grab whatever’s easiest, and push down our feelings just to “get through the day.” Almost instinctively, we prioritise the things that contribute to stress — deadlines, obligations, other people’s needs — and deprioritise the very things that help us cope.

But often, it’s not just about being busy. Beneath the surface, there’s often a deeper discomfort with prioritising our own needs. We might feel guilty, selfish, or undeserving when we take time for ourselves — especially in a world that praises productivity and self-sacrifice. So why is it so hard to put ourselves on the list?

External Pressures: The Messages We Absorb

Many of us have grown up in environments — families, schools, cultures — that rewarded self-sacrifice and discouraged self-focus. We might have heard messages like:

• “Don’t be selfish.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “You’re so strong, you don’t need help.”

Over time, these become internalised beliefs. We learn to equate being a “good” person with putting others first, even at our own expense. And in some workplaces or caregiving roles, this is amplified.  At work we’re praised for going above and beyond, even if it burns us out.  Time and again promotions are given to people working longer and harder, exerting the pressure for us to do the same.

Social conditioning, especially for women and those in helping professions, can reinforce the idea that self-care is indulgent or optional. In reality, it’s essential but if no one around us models that, or encourages it’s easy to feel guilty for even trying. 

What are the messages you can recognise you hold?.

Internal Barriers: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

On the inside, things can get even trickier. Sometimes we don’t prioritise our needs because we’ve lost touch with them. Chronic stress can numb us to what we actually feel or want. We might think:

• “I should be able to cope.”

• “It’s not that bad.”

• “If I stop, everything will fall apart.”

• ‘’Only I can do that.’’

These thoughts often come from survival strategies developed early in life. If we grew up in environments where our needs weren’t met, or were met inconsistently, we may have learned to minimise, dismiss, or ignore them altogether. Over time, this becomes a pattern: over-functioning, people-pleasing, or powering through.  How many of you go to work even when you know you really need to be in bed unwell, how many of you stay up late working, when you know you need to sleep.

I’ve seen this in my own life and in my work with clients. The moment someone says, “I just don’t know what I need anymore.” It’s often said with shame, but it’s such a normal response to long-term stress or caregiving. Reconnecting with your needs isn’t selfish. It’s a form of repair. 

Sometimes, I remind myself, and others, that meeting your own needs isn’t taking away from others it’s what allows you to show up more sustainably and authentically.  I use the analogy of imagining that we are the jugs of water pouring for everyone else and they are the cups.  Then I ask who is taking care of them (filling the cups), when the jug is empty.  So, keeping your jug topped up isn't selfish, its essential.

To begin shifting this pattern, it helps to reframe self-care not as indulgence, but as maintenance, like charging your phone or watering a plant. We don’t question those needs, yet we question our own all the time.  Prioritising your needs can be an act of self-respect. It can also be a quiet rebellion against a culture that asks us to constantly do more, give more, and expect less in return.

How to Check If You’re Stressed

Stress isn’t always the dramatic, overwhelming moment that makes you think, “I’m completely at my breaking point.” More often, stress is a subtle companion that shows up in different parts of your life, your body, your thoughts, your emotions, and your everyday behaviours. By becoming aware of these signs, you can start to tune in and take steps toward relief.

Physical Signs

Your body is the first to signal that something isn’t quite right. You might not notice the little twinges and aches until they become a persistent presence. Common physical indicators include:

• Muscle tension: Especially in the jaw, shoulders, or back

• Headaches or migraines: Often triggered by sustained tension

• Digestive issues: Upset stomach or irregularity in digestion

• Altered breathing: Shallow or rapid breaths

• Persistent fatigue: Even after getting rest

• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns: Eating more or less than usual, trouble sleeping

• Heart-related sensations: A racing heart or tight chest

When you feel like you’re “running on adrenaline,” it’s a signal that your sympathetic nervous system is overactive. As I mentioned my giveaway is a grind my teeth and have jaw tension. Now when I feel tension in my jaw I ask myself what pressures am I living with today. Can you identify your physical cue?.

Mental and Cognitive Signs

Your thoughts can become as tangled as a knot when stress takes over. You might find that your ability to focus or remember things isn’t as sharp as it used to be:

• Racing or looping thoughts: Ideas that run on without clear direction

• Difficulty concentrating: Struggling to stay focused on tasks

• Forgetfulness: Brain fog that clouds your memory

• Catastrophic thinking: The recurring notion that “everything is going wrong”

• Indecisiveness: Finding it hard to make even simple decisions

In these moments, your brain is prioritising survival over clarity, leaving little room for logical thinking. Do you recognise any of these?.

Emotional Signs

Stress also affects how you feel, sometimes in ways that might be hard to pin down. It can turn up as a spectrum of emotional experiences:

• Irritability or impatience: A short fuse even over minor issues

• Overwhelm: A sense of being emotionally overloaded or tearful

• Persistent anxiety: Constant worry or a feeling of dread

• Mood swings: Rapid changes in how you feel

• Emotional numbness: Feeling detached from the emotions you once experienced fully

Do you notice yourself snapping, do you wake up feeling too much, do you feel cut off?. These feelings can create a cycle, where the stress of feeling overwhelmed further intensifies your emotional responses.

Behavioural Signs

How you act is another clue to your stress levels. Sometimes the way we cope or respond can subtly signal that we’re under pressure:

• Overworking or procrastination: Either diving too deep into work or avoiding tasks altogether

• Social withdrawal: Isolating yourself from friends or family

• Increased reliance on substances: Such as caffeine, alcohol, or comfort foods

• Constant busyness: Always “doing” something but never feeling caught up

• Neglecting self-care: Ignoring your own needs or feeling guilty about taking time off

It’s both ironic and a little bizarre that when we’re overwhelmed and busy, our instinctive response is often to make ourselves even busier — to push harder, work longer, and power through. It’s as if the brain, drawing on past experience, recognises that when faced with a small stressor, taking swift action can resolve the issue. So, when the pressure builds, it applies the same logic: Do more, push harder, get it done.

But this becomes problematic when the demands are too great. Instead of slowing down, the brain doubles down — believing that ploughing through will restore balance. In reality, this response can lead to burnout. These behaviours — overworking, overcommitting, overfunctioning — often serve as coping strategies, ways to manage or mask the underlying stress. But while they might feel productive in the moment, they’re rarely helpful in the long run.

Quick Self-Check-In

Take a moment to ask yourself:

• Am I rushing through my day without really being present?

• Do I find it hard to switch off, even during downtime?

• Am I more reactive, anxious, or emotionally withdrawn than usual?

• Am I listening to what my body needs, or am I overriding those signals?

By paying attention to these physical, mental, emotional, and behavioural signs, you can start to recognise stress before it overwhelms you. If these sound familiar, you are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong. You are human.  Remember, noticing these signs is the first step toward making positive changes that support your well-being. Recognising, “I am stressed,” begins to regulate the brain. Research shows that naming emotions (affect labelling) reduces amygdala activity. This is often the first step I use myself.

How to Manage Stress

Managing stress effectively often means making small, deliberate adjustments to how we approach our day and respond to our inner dialogue. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate stress with more compassion and clarity:

1. Break Tasks Down

When you’re overwhelmed, even simple tasks can seem insurmountable. The stressed brain struggles with planning and organisation. By breaking larger projects into smaller, concrete steps, you can transform an intimidating challenge into manageable tasks. For instance, when I’m writing a complex report, I divide it into “outline,” “first draft,” and “references.” This approach not only creates clear, actionable steps but also makes the process feel less daunting.

The second part of this for me is to imagine a plate and work out just what I have on it that is stressful.  I then look at how long the stress is likely to last and ask is it manageable until then.  If not, I ask myself what can I take off that plate, what can I delegate?  Remember we may have been conditioned to think we have to do it all, and no-one else can do it ‘right’, but very often in reality others can help even if its making a meal or doing the ironing, or at work contacting a client for you.

2. Soften Self-Talk

In times of stress, our inner critic can be particularly harsh, urging us that we should cope better. Therapy suggests that softening this self-talk can help reduce our threat response. Instead of berating yourself for feeling overwhelmed, try to replace critical thoughts with nurturing ones. For example, say, “This is understandable. I’m doing my best under the circumstances.” This gentle shift helps lower internal pressure and supports emotional resilience.

3. Reinforce Boundaries

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting your energy and preventing burnout. When stress piles up, it’s often because we’ve taken on too much or haven’t clearly defined our limits. Ask yourself:

• What is truly realistic for me today?

• Can I say no or delegate some responsibilities? Learning how to say no or delegate is crucial!

• Am I expecting too much from myself?

By reinforcing these boundaries, you create a protective barrier against excessive demands and support your long-term well-being.

4. Connect With Others

Human connection is a powerful antidote to stress. According to Polyvagal Theory, engaging socially can help regulate your nervous system. Even a brief conversation with a trusted friend or a supportive text message can reduce feelings of isolation and calm your stress response. Remember, I mentioned that the things that actually help us, such as spending times with friends or doing things we enjoy, is usually the first thing we give up when stressed.  Bring them back.

5. Tend to Your Basic Needs

Your physical well-being is the foundation for managing stress. When your basic needs aren’t met, stress can escalate. Make self-care a priority by focusing on:

• Sleep: Ensure you get enough rest so your body can recover.

• Nutrition: Eat regular, balanced meals to maintain stable blood sugar levels.

• Movement: Incorporate gentle exercise or stretching to relieve tension.

• Caffeine: Consider reducing caffeine intake if it contributes to your anxiety.

These small acts of care are essential, not optional extras.

6. Seek Support

Sometimes, managing stress on your own can feel overwhelming. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy or support from loved ones can provide:

• A deeper understanding of your unique stress patterns,

• Strategies tailored to your personal needs,

• A safe space to process emotions and regain clarity.

Remember, seeking support is a proactive step toward regaining control and building resilience. Managing stress early is essential because:

• Preventing Burnout: Chronic stress can culminate in burnout—a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. Burnout not only drains our energy but also diminishes our sense of purpose and connection to our work and relationships.

• Protecting Mental Health: Unmanaged stress can contribute to the development of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. Early intervention helps in maintaining a healthier emotional balance.

• Nurturing Relationships: Stress can strain our interactions, leading to irritability, withdrawal, or conflict. By managing our stress, we foster better communication and maintain stronger, more supportive connections with those around us.

• Enhancing Resilience: Learning to navigate stress builds resilience. It equips us with tools to face future challenges with greater ease and to bounce back from setbacks more effectively.

• Promoting Overall Wellbeing: Taking control of stress means more than surviving; it’s about thriving. It allows us to live with intention, joy, and an appreciation for the everyday moments that make life meaningful.

Final Reflections

Stress is an inevitable part of life, but when it becomes chronic and unmanaged, it can slowly erode our well-being, confidence, and relationships. Left unchecked, stress can escalate into burnout, affect our mental health, and even undermine our connections with those we care about. That's why learning to manage stress is not merely about “coping”—it's about preserving our overall quality of life.

Personally, I still have my stressful days, moments when the weight of expectations and challenges feels almost overwhelming. I remember the days when every setback felt like a personal failure, and my inner critic would pound me with harsh judgments. It took me a while to understand that trying to avoid or erase every difficult emotion only left me feeling more isolated and exhausted. I remember the days when I would snap, feel angry, before feeling exhausted and then ashamed. Over time, though, I've learned to approach these moments with a new sense of kindness toward myself. Instead of succumbing to the pressure to always “get it right and keep going no matter what,” I've begun to meet each challenge with a calm curiosity. I realised that the goal isn’t to eliminate stress entirely, after all, stress is a natural part of life, but to respond to it in a way that nurtures resilience and well-being. I now prioritise my wellbeing and ensure time off, staying connected and living well.

By managing stress before it spirals into burnout, I’ve noticed profound changes in my overall well-being. I’m more present in my relationships, more connected with my emotions, and I am better equipped to navigate life’s ups and downs. I am sure the people who have been around me for many years would say that I am calmer and perhaps a nicer person now that stress isn't in the driving seat. This journey isn’t about achieving a state of constant calm but about empowering myself to meet challenges with clarity and care. It’s about knowing that while stress may never disappear entirely, I have the tools and the mindset to transform it into a catalyst for growth.

As a psychologist, my role goes beyond offering generic coping tips. I work closely with clients to unravel the unique tapestry of their stress. We delve into the deeper patterns, beliefs, and nervous system responses that trap them in cycles of tension. By exploring how early life experiences, current pressures, and personal values intertwine, we can begin to understand the root causes of stress and develop tailored strategies to break the cycle and build resilience for the future. If you would like to know more please get in touch.

As always until next time

Carla