Polyvagal Theory: A science backed understanding of fight, flight, AND freeze

If you’ve been anywhere in the mental health or wellness space recently, you’ve probably heard people raving about ‘polyvagal theory’. It’s everywhere—showing up in therapy rooms, yoga classes, and social media posts, usually alongside buzzwords like “nervous system regulation” and “trauma-informed healing.”

But what exactly is polyvagal theory? Why is it suddenly such a big deal? And, more importantly, what does it actually mean for you—your mental health, your relationships, and the way you navigate stress?

Let’s break it down.

Why Is Polyvagal Theory So Popular Right Now?

One reason polyvagal theory is getting so much attention is that it offers a fresh, science-backed way of understanding why we feel the way we feel—especially when it comes to stress, anxiety, and trauma. Rather than just seeing emotions as something that happens in the mind, this theory emphasises the deep connection between our brain and body.

To be able to understand that our minds react, and our bodies follow; to know that the brains main function of keeping you safe means it will activate whatever signals and neurochemicals it thinks you need to manage any given situation, can give a great starting point to understanding yourself. I mean have you ever wondered why:

You might feel physically exhausted after a stressful event, even if nothing “bad” actually happened.
Certain situations or people make you feel safe and relaxed, while others leave you on edge—even if you can’t quite put your finger on why.
You sometimes feel completely shut down or “numb” in response to overwhelming stress, rather than just anxious or panicked.
Why after years of managing stress in your jobs and lives, you suddenly feel ‘burnt out’.

Personally, I appreciate polyvagal theory for two key reasons.

First, it shifts the perspective from self-blame to self-understanding. Instead of feeling weak, overreactive, or emotionally unstable, people can see their nervous system for what it truly is: a built-in survival system that’s simply trying to keep them safe. The problem isn’t that their responses are “wrong” or “irrational”—it’s that their nervous system is reacting to modern stressors as if they were life-threatening dangers in an evolutionary context. Our nervous system wasn’t designed for emails, traffic jams, or public speaking—it evolved in a time when survival meant facing real, physical threats like lions, tigers, and bears. When our nervous system perceives danger, it doesn’t stop to ask whether it’s a charging predator or a stressful deadline—it just activates the same primal survival pathways. Understanding this makes it easier to approach our reactions with compassion and regulation strategies, rather than frustration or shame.

Secondly, polyvagal theory is grounded in biological and scientific evidence, which resonates with me as a scientist at heart. It’s not just a theory—it offers a research-backed framework that explains our nervous system’s role in stress, trauma, and emotional regulation.

I’ll be completely honest—I’m a practical, solution-focused person. So when I first trained as a psychological practitioner and was told that something as simple as breathing "correctly" or doing something pleasant could help, I was sceptical. It felt too simplistic, and I couldn’t quite see how it would make a real difference.

I also know that many of the people I’ve worked with have shared that scepticism. Some people have even described therapy as “a bit airy-fairy”, and the ideas as 'off the wall', and I completely understood their reluctance to engage in certain techniques. In the early days of my training, I felt the same way.

That is, until I discovered polyvagal theory. For the first time, I had a scientific framework that explained why these approaches worked—not just as vague relaxation techniques, but as tangible ways to regulate the nervous system. More importantly, I began to see measurable outcomes when using polyvagal theory as a foundation for therapy that allowed people to be able to engage more fully. That shift in perspective changed things for me—and it’s why I now see nervous system regulation as a key part of psychological healing.

Here’s why it makes sense:

It Expands Our Understanding of Trauma Responses Beyond ‘Fight or Flight’ – While many people associate trauma with hypervigilance and anxiety, others experience shutdown, disconnection, or fatigue. Polyvagal theory explains why trauma can lead to both hyperarousal (panic, restlessness) and hypo arousal (numbness, dissociation, exhaustion), giving a more complete picture of how the nervous system responds to overwhelming experiences.
It Validates the Mind-Body Connection – The vagus nerve directly connects the brain to the heart, lungs, and gut, providing a biological explanation for why stress can trigger digestive issues, rapid heart rate, and even immune dysfunction. This reinforces what many people intuitively feel—our emotions are deeply tied to our physical health.
It Offers Practical Tools for Nervous System Regulation – What makes polyvagal theory so appealing is that it doesn’t just explain why we feel dysregulated—it also provides actionable strategies for calming the nervous system, from breathwork and movement to co-regulation and sensory grounding.
It Promotes a Trauma-Informed, Strength-Based Perspective – Instead of viewing stress responses as something to be “fixed,” polyvagal theory reframes them as adaptive survival mechanisms. This shift in perspective helps people approach their nervous system responses with self-compassion and provides a pathway to gently reshape and regulate them over time.

By bridging neuroscience with practical application, polyvagal theory not only makes scientific sense but also empowers people to understand and work with their nervous system rather than against it. This perspective resonates deeply with people who have experienced trauma, chronic stress, or burnout.

Polyvagal theory has also gained traction because it offers practical tools for nervous system regulation. Unlike some psychological concepts that stay theoretical, this one gives people knowledge and actionable strategies, that they can understand the rationale behind, to shift them out of survival states and into a sense of calm and safety.

In a world where so many people are dealing with anxiety, trauma, and disconnection, it’s no surprise that polyvagal theory is having a moment. It speaks to something fundamental: our need for safety, connection, and balance—and how we can reclaim it.

So What Is Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in the 1990s, explains how our nervous system responds to stress, safety, and connection. Unlike the traditional fight-or-flight model, which divides our autonomic nervous system (ANS) into just two parts—sympathetic (stress response) and parasympathetic (relaxation response)—polyvagal theory introduces a more nuanced view and introduces us to the 'freeze'.

It identifies three key states related to the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems, controlled by the vagus nerve, a major nerve running from the brainstem through the heart, lungs, and gut:

Ventral Vagal (Social Engagement System - part of the parasympathetic system) – This is where we feel safe, connected, and able to engage with others. Our body is calm, and we can think clearly, regulate our emotions, and experience joy.
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight Response - the sympathetic system) – When we perceive a threat, our body activates to either defend (fight) or escape (flight). Heart rate increases, stress hormones surge, and we feel anxious, restless, or irritable.
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown Response - part of the parasympathetic system) – If the threat is overwhelming or prolonged, the system can shut down. This can feel like numbness, dissociation, fatigue, or even depression. It’s a survival response when fight or flight isn’t possible.

Understanding the Two Branches of the Parasympathetic Nervous System

Traditionally, we think of the parasympathetic nervous system as the "rest and digest" system, helping the body recover from stress and return to a state of calm. However, polyvagal theory breaks the parasympathetic system into two distinct branches, each with different effects on the body:

Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social)
- Supports feelings of calm, connection, and engagement.
- Helps regulate heart rate, breathing, and digestion in a way that supports social engagement and well-being.
- Activated when you feel safe, at ease, and able to connect with others.

Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown & Freeze)
- Kicks in during extreme stress or overwhelm, leading to states of numbness, disconnection, and shutdown.
- When activated intensely, it can cause dissociation, fatigue, depression, or feeling frozen in response to stress.
- This is a primitive survival response, seen when an animal "plays dead" in the face of danger.

Whilst the dorsal vagal system is part of the parasympathetic nervous system, but it functions very differently from the ventral vagal branch and their effects are very different. The ventral vagal system helps you feel calm, present, and connected, while the dorsal vagal system can lead to shutdown and dissociation when stress becomes overwhelming.

Why This Matters

Understanding this distinction is important because many people assume that all parasympathetic activity is good. However, dorsal vagal activation in survival mode can feel like depression, burnout, or emotional numbness—not the restful relaxation we typically associate with parasympathetic function. This means that extreme stress and anxiety often aren’t recognised in the traditional ‘fight or flight’ way which can hinder understanding of what is going on for people. Its also why sometimes people being nice to us can feel threatening and unsafe.

The goal of nervous system regulation isn’t just to be in a parasympathetic state, but to cultivate more time in the ventral vagal state, where we feel both safe and engaged with life.

The theory suggests that our nervous system is constantly shifting between these states, often outside our conscious control. The good news? We can train our system to spend more time in ventral vagal (calm and connected) and less in survival mode.

Real-Life Examples for Each Nervous System State

One of the best ways to understand polyvagal theory is to see how it plays out in everyday life. Our nervous system shifts between states based on how safe, threatened, or overwhelmed we feel. Here’s how each state might show up in real-world situations:

Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social) – Feeling Connected and Engaged

This is the state where we feel safe, grounded, and able to engage with the world around us. In this mode, our nervous system supports social connection, emotional regulation, and a general sense of well-being.

Real-life examples:

Having coffee with a close friend and feeling relaxed, engaged, and present in the conversation. You’re making eye contact, laughing, and enjoying the moment.
Getting lost in a favourite hobby, like painting, gardening, or playing an instrument, where you feel a sense of flow and contentment.
Feeling deeply connected during a hug or while holding hands with a loved one, experiencing warmth and comfort.
Walking in nature and feeling peaceful as you breathe in the fresh air and hear the sounds around you.

If your mind keeps wandering off to work or problems when doing these activities, then you aren’t truly in this state! But keep doing them anyway!

Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) – Feeling Alert, Anxious, or On Edge

This is the high-energy, survival-driven state of the nervous system, designed to help us respond to potential danger. It’s useful in short bursts, but staying in this mode too long can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

Real-life examples:

The nerves before a big exam or presentation—your heart beats faster, your palms sweat, and your thoughts race as you prepare to perform.
Jumping out of the way of a speeding cyclist—your body reacts before you even think, fuelled by a surge of adrenaline.
Feeling irritated or snappy in traffic—your body registers frustration, and you might notice your jaw clenching or hands gripping the wheel tightly.
Encountering an aggressive dog and feeling the overwhelming urge to run or prepare to defend yourself.

Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown & Freeze) – Feeling Disconnected or Numb

This is the low-energy, collapse response of the nervous system. When a situation feels too overwhelming or inescapable, the body goes into shutdown mode to conserve energy and protect itself.

Real-life examples:

Feeling completely frozen during an intense argument, unable to speak or respond, even though you know you should say something.
Shutting down emotionally after a stressful day, zoning out on the couch for hours without really processing what’s happening around you.
Retreating into sleep or excessive fatigue when overwhelmed by life stressors, feeling like even small tasks are too much.
Going blank during a traumatic or deeply distressing experience, feeling detached from your body and surroundings as if watching from the outside.

Chronic stress can make it harder to access the ventral vagal state, meaning people stay stuck in hyperarousal (sympathetic) or collapse (dorsal vagal). Ironically then the more stress we feel or more trauma we encounter, the less we feel like engaging in the things that will actually help us.

Have you noticed that when things feels stressful and overwhelming you stop going for the coffees with friends you love because you feel you don't have time or energy for them, or you don't go to the yoga class you used to love, or you simply stop engaging in meaningful activities as if you believe you need the energy you have to manage the stress?.

How to Use Polyvagal Theory for Nervous System Regulation

Understanding polyvagal theory is one thing—actually applying it to regulate your nervous system is another. The good news? There are both short-term strategies (to shift out of stress quickly) and long-term practices (to build nervous system resilience over time).

Short-Term Regulation Strategies (Quick Ways to Shift Out of Stress)

These are techniques that can quickly help shift you from a state of anxiety (fight-or-flight) or shutdown (freeze response) into a more balanced and regulated state. They work by directly engaging the vagus nerve, activating your body’s relaxation response, and signalling to your nervous system that you are safe.

Cold Exposure – Rapidly Interrupts Panic & Overwhelm
Splash cold water on your face, place an ice pack on your chest, or take a cold shower. Cold exposure stimulates the diving reflex, which can slow heart rate, engage the parasympathetic nervous system, and help shift the body from panic to calm. (Do not do without consultation if you have low blood pressure, heart conditions, are epileptic or pregnant)
- When to use it – If you feel anxious, panicked, or your heart is racing.
Humming, Chanting, or Singing – Stimulates the Vagus Nerve
The vagus nerve runs through the throat and vocal cords, so activities like humming, singing, chanting, or even gargling create soothing vibrations that activate the ventral vagal system, promoting relaxation.

When to use it – If you feel restless, on edge, or overstimulated.
Orienting to Safety – Reassuring the Nervous System
Take a slow, mindful look around the room. Notice things that signal safety—a locked door, a warm drink, soft lighting, a familiar object. This reminds your nervous system that you are not in danger and helps reduce hypervigilance.
- When to use it – If you feel disoriented, dissociated, or overwhelmed.
Grounding Through the Senses – Bringing Awareness to the Present Moment
Hold a textured object, inhale a comforting scent, or focus on a single sound in your environment. Engaging the senses helps pull the nervous system out of survival mode and into the present moment.
- When to use it – If you feel spaced out, detached, or emotionally numb.
Co-Regulation – Borrowing Calm from Others
Spend time with someone who makes you feel safe and supported. When we are around a calm, regulated person, our nervous system naturally mirrors their state through co-regulation. A warm conversation, a hug, or even just sitting with a trusted person can help.
- When to use it – If you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected.

Long-Term Nervous System Strengthening (Building a More Resilient System)

While short-term techniques help in the moment, the real transformation happens when we consistently practice habits that strengthen our nervous system’s ability to handle stress and return to a calm state more easily.

Mindful Movement – Strengthens Vagal Tone
Practices like yoga, Tai Chi, Qigong, or gentle stretching help regulate the nervous system over time by improving vagal tone (the ability of the vagus nerve to recover quickly after stress).
- Why it works – Movement connects breath with body awareness, which supports nervous system balance.
Regular Social Connection – Strengthens the Social Engagement System
Engaging in meaningful conversations, spending time with loved ones, and building safe, supportive relationships helps reinforce the ventral vagal system, making it easier to shift out of stress and stay regulated.
- Why it works – Humans are wired for connection, and feeling safe with others is one of the most powerful nervous system regulators.
Breathwork Practice – Trains the Body to Access Calm More Easily
Diaphragmatic breathing (slow inhales through the nose, extended exhales) signals to the brain that you are safe, shifting the nervous system into rest-and-digest mode. Techniques like box breathing (4-4-4-4) or 4-7-8 breathing are particularly effective.
- Why it works – Exhaling longer than you inhale engages the vagus nerve and promotes relaxation.
Daily Play & Joy – Activates the Ventral Vagal State
Laughter, playfulness, and engaging in joyful activities (like dancing, painting, playing with a pet, or singing) naturally stimulate the ventral vagal system, helping to reinforce feelings of safety and connection.
- Why it works – Play signals to the nervous system that it’s safe to relax and engage.
Nature Exposure – Helps Reset the Nervous System
Spending time in green spaces, forests, or near water (rivers, lakes, or the ocean) has been shown to reduce stress hormones and promote a regulated nervous system. Even listening to nature sounds can have a calming effect. Its why going for that work or taking the holiday feels so good.
- Why it works – Nature reduces hyperarousal and encourages deep relaxation.

Additional Long-Term Strategies

Intermittent Fasting & Eating Mindfully – Supports vagal tone by improving rest-and-digest cycles. Eating slowly, chewing thoroughly, and avoiding eating in a stressed state can improve digestion and nervous system regulation.
Creative Expression – Engaging in art, music, journaling, or writing can help process emotions, reduce stress, and create a sense of safety and self-expression.
Light Exposure – Getting morning sunlight helps regulate circadian rhythms, improving sleep and nervous system balance.

A Simple Self-Check Exercise: Understanding Your Own Nervous System State

One of the most empowering ways to support emotional regulation and self-awareness is to recognise what state your nervous system is in. It never ceases to surprise me how many people can recognise the first two states, I mean most of us can tell the difference between feeling ‘relaxed’ or feeing ’anxious’, but so many people (including myself at times), struggle to notice when they are in dorsal vagal state. When everything feels too hard, when they can tell themselves they are ‘just tired’, where burnout looms. By developing this awareness, you can choose effective strategies to shift into a more balanced and grounded state. This quick self-check exercise helps you tune into your body's signals and respond with the right tools.

Step 1: Pause and Ask Yourself

Take a deep breath and ask:

“How do I feel right now?”

Notice your thoughts, emotions, and any physical sensations. Avoid overanalysing—simply observe.

Step 2: Identify Your Nervous System State

Your nervous system operates through different states, each influencing how you feel and behave.

Based on your internal check-in, determine which of the following states you're currently in:

Ventral Vagal (Calm & Engaged): You feel safe, connected, and present. There is a sense of ease in your body, and you can engage with others or focus on tasks without distress.
Sympathetic (Anxious & Restless): Your body is activated and on high alert. You may feel anxious, irritable, overwhelmed, or have racing thoughts. Physically, you might notice a rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, or muscle tension.
Dorsal Vagal (Numb & Disconnected): You feel shut down, withdrawn, or emotionally numb. You might struggle to find motivation, experience brain fog, or feel disconnected from yourself and others.

Step 3: Use a Grounding Technique Based on Your State

Once you've identified your nervous system state, choose a strategy to support regulation:

This quick self-check takes just a minute but can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being. By consistently tuning in, you develop the habit of recognising your nervous system state and responding with awareness and compassion, allowing you to navigate challenges with greater balance and resilience.

I personally check in with myself every morning and again between sessions, as it's remarkable how much can shift throughout the day. Subtle changes in my nervous system can influence my work, interactions, and overall energy—so taking a moment to pause and reset helps me stay present and engaged. It also reminds me to 'take care' of myself. our bodies are functioning organisms - your car wouldn't work without the correct fuel, and neither would your body.

The Role of Gut Health in Nervous System Regulation

The connection between gut health and emotional well-being is more than just a wellness trend—it’s backed by science. Social media is full of information (often misinformation about well-being) but we do know this. The gut-brain axis, a complex communication network between your digestive system and brain, plays a crucial role in mood, stress responses, and nervous system regulation. Have you ever 'pigged out' then felt really down hours later, or had a few glasses of wine and then felt anxious the day after? At the heart of this connection is the vagus nerve, the main communication highway between the gut and the brain.

The vagus nerve directly links the brain and gut, allowing constant two-way communication. This means that the state of your digestive system can influence your emotions, energy levels, and stress response. If your gut is inflamed, imbalanced, or sluggish, it can send distress signals to your brain, leading to anxiety, mood swings, or low energy.

Likewise, stress and emotional distress can disrupt digestion, leading to symptoms like bloating, nausea, or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). This explains why people often experience stomach issues when they’re anxious or overwhelmed. A healthy gut supports a balanced nervous system by:

Producing neurotransmitters – A well-balanced gut microbiome helps regulate mood and emotional resilience.
Reducing inflammation – Chronic gut inflammation can trigger stress responses, making it harder for the nervous system to regulate itself.
Improving vagal tone – A healthy digestive system strengthens vagus nerve function, making it easier to shift into calm and connected states.

Your gut isn’t just responsible for digestion—it’s a key player in nervous system regulation. When your gut microbiome is balanced and your digestion is functioning smoothly, your vagus nerve can do its job more effectively, helping you stay calm, resilient, and emotionally regulated.

What Polyvagal Theory Is Not

As polyvagal theory gains popularity, it’s also surrounded by misunderstandings and oversimplifications often perpetuated on social media. While it offers a powerful lens for understanding stress, trauma, and emotional regulation, it’s important to clarify what it isn’t.

1. It’s Not Just Deep Breathing

A common misconception is that polyvagal regulation is all about breathwork—that if you just take a few deep breaths, you’ll instantly shift into a state of calm. While breathing techniques can be helpful, especially for engaging the vagus nerve, they’re just one tool among many, and done incorrectly or at the wrong time can make it worse! That can lead to self-criticism and further stress.

2. It’s Not a Therapy in Itself

Polyvagal theory isn’t a treatment—it’s a framework that helps therapists, coaches, and mental health professionals better understand and support nervous system regulation. Therapists use polyvagal insights to tailor interventions, choosing strategies that align with a client’s nervous system state. Trauma-informed approaches integrate polyvagal principles to prioritise safety, trust, and co-regulation. Somatic (body-based) therapies, such as EMDR, incorporate nervous system awareness into their techniques.

Some people mistakenly believe that just learning about polyvagal theory will “heal” their trauma. While understanding your nervous system can be incredibly empowering, true healing often requires ongoing practices, professional support, and safe relationships.

3. It’s Not an Instant Fix

In today’s quick-fix culture, there’s a temptation to treat nervous system regulation as a hack—as if doing one vagus nerve exercise will magically erase years of chronic stress or trauma. But real healing is a process that requires time, repetition, and the right conditions.

If someone tries a grounding exercise once and doesn’t feel better immediately, they might assume “this doesn’t work.” In reality, nervous system regulation is like strength training—it takes regular practice to build resilience.

I use the analogy of learning to drive. The first time you get in a car, you don’t know how to drive, neither does your brain so you focus on every action of your hands and feet. It requires practice and eventually your brain understands what it needs your body to do and driving becomes automatic. Vagal nerve regulation requires:

Consistency over time – Small, daily practices (breathwork, grounding, movement, co-regulation) build long-term resilience.
Safety first – Before deep healing can happen, the body must first experience enough safety and stability.
Compassion and patience – Progress isn’t always linear. There will be setbacks, but each moment of self-awareness and regulation strengthens the nervous system.

Final Thoughts

Polyvagal theory has changed the way we understand stress, trauma, and healing. It has changed the way I work with my clients too. Anyone that has worked with me around nervous system or emotion regulation system issues will know about the connection between mind and body. Remember it isn't a therapy on its own, its just an understanding of what your mind and body is doing, to help aid other therapies. It provides a map of how the nervous system responds to life’s challenges and, more importantly, how we can gently guide it back toward safety and connection.

If you’ve ever felt ‘stuck’ in anxiety or shutdown, know that your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s simply responding the way it learned to survive. With patience and practice, you can retrain it to find balance, safety, and resilience.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed or disconnected, try a small regulation technique. Remember it might not work straight away, but over time, these practices create lasting change, helping you feel more grounded, connected, and in control of your well-being.

If you would like to know more about polyvagal therapy, or would like to understand how to engage in therapy based on the theory then get in touch.

As always until next time

Carla