Screen Time: Are We All Just Scrolling Through Life?

The irony is, if you are reading this then you are on some sort of electronic device, you are using ‘screen time’.  Today I want to look at the positives and negatives of what has become an everyday norm for huge masses of the population, starting for some in infancy and taking us through to end of life.  

Firstly I will confess, not long ago, I picked up my phone with the noble intention of doing something useful, checking the pharmacy opening times and somehow before I knew it, I ended up comparing the interior décor of remote Scottish cottages on Instagram (clearly essential as I was due to visit my best friend who lives in one). Then I jumped to a thread fiercely debating the correct pronunciation of ‘scone’, a topic I had no prior interest in and no personal stake in whatsoever, yet somehow, I found myself nodding along, completely invested. From there, I watched someone restore a 19th-century padlock with unnerving precision. I’ve never touched a padlock that didn’t come from B&Q, but for a few minutes, I was certain I’d missed my calling in antique locksmithing.

Of course, I couldn’t stop there. I stumbled onto a video of a woman in Norway cleaning her roof tiles with a toothbrush, because why not?, then scrolled through a years-old timeline of a celebrity breakup I had forgotten ever caring about. Somewhere along the line I bookmarked a recipe I will never cook and found myself holding strong opinions (once again) on the widespread misdiagnosis of ADHD. 

Before I knew it over an hour had passed, and I still hadn’t checked the pharmacy opening times, and then moaned I didn’t have time to do some exercise!

This experience isn’t rare and it’s not just a matter of distraction. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve worked with adults and families navigating the increasingly blurred boundaries between healthy screen use and compulsive digital habits. What makes this conversation even more nuanced is that screens are embedded in almost every aspect of our daily lives: communication, work, learning, entertainment, and even emotional regulation. They're both the tools and the traps.

This blog is a dive into what screen time really means, what the research says, how it affects both adults and children, why we find ourselves so attached to our devices, and most importantly how we can shift from automatic habits to conscious choices.  As always this isn’t everything on screen time, its hopefully enough to get you thinking for yourself because ultimately that is what matters.

Understanding the Landscape: What Counts as Screen Time?

One of the problems with talking about "screen time" is that it's a catch-all phrase. Watching a YouTube tutorial on how to make banana bread isn’t the same as doom-scrolling through the news at midnight. Video calling your grandparents is qualitatively different from playing ‘Candy Crush’ or binging a series late into the night.

Children use screens for school, social interaction, games, and winding down. Adults use them for emails, social media, online shopping, dating, reading, and let’s be honest sometimes just zoning out. The content, context, and purpose matter greatly. But often, we treat all screen use as equal when we talk about it in public discourse, which can lead to blanket advice that doesn’t always help. So let's see if we can think more intelligently about this - the good, the bad, and the downright ugly of screen time.

Screen Time Isn’t Just About Time: It’s About How, Why, When and What

There’s a wealth of research on screen time, but much of it is still evolving. What we do know is that the effects of screens on our wellbeing aren’t simply about how many hours we spend glued to a device. Instead, it’s about how we’re using our screens, why we’re turning to them, when we’re logging on, and what we’re actually viewing.

How we use screens: Passive vs. active engagement

Scrolling numbly through videos while half-watching TV and eating dinner might have a very different impact from intentionally joining an online support group, learning a language through an app, or editing photos for a creative project. One is passive, often mindless. The other is active, purposeful, and even enriching.

Passive use, like doomscrolling social media or binging random TikToks can leave us feeling drained, disconnected, and overstimulated. Think of it like junk food for the brain: easy to consume, hard to stop, but not always nourishing. And just like junk food, our brains are wired to want it. These platforms are designed to give us quick hits of novelty, pleasure, and reward, tiny doses of dopamine are released when we scroll that make scrolling feel good in the moment. Every swipe, like, or unpredictable video gives the brain a mini “reward”, which reinforces the habit.

Our brains are naturally drawn to anything that feels effortless, fast, and rewarding especially when we’re tired, stressed, bored, or overwhelmed. In that state, we’re far less likely to choose something that takes more mental effort (like reading, journalling, or going for a walk) even if it might leave us feeling better afterwards. The algorithms are smart, they know how to keep us engaged, feeding us just enough stimulation to override our boredom without ever tipping into true satisfaction.

It’s not about weakness or laziness. It’s about biology. Our brains evolved to seek out stimulation and conserve energy, so fast, colourful, emotionally-charged content is like digital catnip. But much like eating a whole bag of crisps when you meant to have a snack, passive screen use can leave us feeling strangely empty afterwards: full, but unsatisfied.

Active use, on the other hand, can foster connection, creativity, or learning. The psychological experience of active screen engagement is entirely different from mindless scrolling, it involves intention, purpose, and often, a sense of agency. It’s the difference between zoning out and tuning in.

I once had a client who came into session feeling sheepish about the amount of time she was spending online. “I know it’s bad,” she said, “I’m always on my phone.” But when we unpacked it, what emerged was something much richer. Most of her screen time was spent building her small online art business, photographing her work, writing thoughtful captions, responding to customers, and watching tutorials to improve her digital illustration skills. She wasn’t just scrolling, she was learning, connecting, expressing herself, and building something that brought her genuine meaning.

That kind of screen use can actually enhance wellbeing. It can boost confidence, provide a sense of accomplishment, and open up real-world opportunities. The brain responds differently engaging in tasks that involve problem-solving, creativity, or meaningful interaction activates neural pathways associated with motivation, reward, and personal growth, rather than just short bursts of dopamine from novelty.

That’s not to say all screen-based productivity is inherently healthy (we can still burn out chasing online achievements), but it highlights the nuance. So, when we ask whether screen time is “bad,” we have to ask: what’s it for? How do you feel after using it? Are you numbing or engaging? Consuming or creating? Escaping life, or building it?

Why we use screens: Coping, connecting, distracting, avoiding

The motivation behind screen use matters hugely. Are we connecting with friends? Passing time on a commute? Avoiding difficult feelings? Seeking stimulation?

A good example: I once noticed I kept reaching for my phone late at night, not because I was interested in what I was looking at, but because I was trying to avoid the quiet stillness that would bring me face to face with my thoughts when I was worried about something. In therapy, this kind of pattern is often linked to emotional regulation where screen use becomes a way of coping, sometimes helpful, sometimes not.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with using screens for comfort. But when screens become our only way to soothe discomfort, escape reality, or avoid emotions, that’s when problems tend to build. Especially for children and teens, screens can sometimes replace the chance to learn important regulation skills or interpersonal problem-solving.

When we use screens: Timing is everything

Using screens just before bed is a classic example especially blue light exposure or anything emotionally stimulating right before sleep. Research consistently shows that late-night screen use can interfere with melatonin production, disrupt the body’s natural circadian rhythm, and make it harder to fall or stay asleep. But this isn’t just about blue light, it’s also about what we’re consuming and how our minds respond.

For many people, bedtime is the first moment of the day when things go quiet. The emails have stopped. The house is still. There are no more demands from others. And for some, that silence can be uncomfortable. Suddenly the mind has space to wander and often, it wanders straight into worry, overthinking, or replaying the day’s awkward conversations. Screens offer a convenient distraction from all that internal noise.

It starts innocently enough: you check your phone to set your alarm or do a final scroll. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll just watch one short video to wind down. But two hours later, you’re still watching, still scrolling, or still deep in a Wikipedia rabbit hole about the history of lighthouses. Now it's past midnight, and you’re wide awake not just from the stimulation, but from the fact your brain never actually had a chance to slow down. This is where the vicious cycle kicks in:

• The screen delays sleep.

• You feel tired the next day.

• You crash in the evening and reach for your phone to "unwind".

• You use screens again, trying to relax.

• It disrupts your sleep again.

And round it goes.......

I’ve had clients describe this as “revenge scrolling”, a strange form of reclaiming time when the day has felt too full, too controlled, or too demanding. The screen becomes a small act of rebellion: “This is my time, and no one can take it.” But of course, the person it takes from in the end… is you.

Others describe it as a trap. You’re too wired to sleep, so you use the phone to soothe yourself but the content wakes you up more. Your brain, once drowsy, is now on high alert again: comparing, judging, absorbing, reacting. Instead of preparing for rest, it's reacting to stimuli designed to keep you hooked.

This isn’t about blame or lack of willpower. It’s about understanding that we’re dealing with tools that are psychologically engineered to override our natural off switch. And if you’re already stressed or sleep-deprived, you’re even more vulnerable to those pull factors.

The key, for many, is gently breaking that cycle, not necessarily by banning screens completely (which often backfires), but by setting up softer transitions into rest. That might mean moving devices out of the bedroom, using a real alarm clock, switching to calming audio content, or creating a short wind-down ritual that gives your brain the signal that it’s safe to rest.  Because rest isn’t just a luxury, it’s the reset that helps everything else function, including how we relate to screens the next day.

But it's not just about bedtime.

Timing matters in terms of context and competing demands. Scrolling during meals can reduce mindful eating and lead to overeating. Checking emails during family time can heighten stress and impact relationships. I put my hands up to sitting on my phone instead of speaking to my cherished family, something I have now committed to try and stop. Watching a motivational video in the morning might set you up for the day, but doing the same thing at 1am could just add to that restless feeling of “I should be doing more with my life.”

In sessions, I often explore this with clients, not just how much they use screens, but when during the day their usage peaks, and whether it’s helping or hindering their natural rhythms.

What We View: Content Shapes Impact

Not all screen time is created equal. Watching a slow-paced nature documentary doesn’t have the same psychological effect as bingeing violent video games or doomscrolling through highly edited images of influencers and celebrities. Our brains are exquisitely sensitive to what we take in, especially when the content is emotionally charged, visually intense, or taps into our insecurities.

I once worked with a client who told me she loved to "wind down" with TV in the evenings but couldn’t understand why she always felt tense before bed. When we explored it, it turned out her go-to was a true crime series filled with graphic re-enactments. The stories were gruesome, the pacing dramatic, and the imagery lingered. She had never questioned it because it was popular, and it was technically “relaxing”, she was sitting still, after all. But emotionally? Her nervous system was being put on high alert every night. Her “down time” was, unknowingly, keeping her in a state of hypervigilance.

It’s a similar story with people who fall into a pattern of watching emotionally intense or anxiety-inducing content. I’ve spoken to teens who spend hours watching TikToks about mental health symptoms, convinced they have every diagnosis under the sun. Others compulsively follow political commentary or “wellness influencers” who sow doubt about food, medicine, or the world in general. Even if you’re only consuming short videos, the cumulative effect can be dysregulating, leaving you more irritable, anxious, or confused than when you started.

And then there’s the darker side of online content, particularly for children and adolescents. Many young people encounter age-inappropriate material long before their brains are equipped to process it. Sometimes this happens by accident: a child watches one cartoon, and within a few clicks they’re watching content filled with violence, sexual references, or hateful language.

Algorithms don’t understand age appropriateness; they just follow engagement.

Even with filters in place, it’s incredibly easy for children to stumble across sexual content, violent imagery, or videos that promote dangerous behaviours like self-harm, disordered eating, or hateful ideologies. I’ve worked with young people who have unintentionally encountered pornography as early as age 9 or 10, leading to confusion, shame, and distorted ideas about relationships or their own bodies. Others have fallen down algorithm-driven rabbit holes where online content slowly shifts from humour to misogyny, or from gaming commentary to political radicalisation.

Exposure to pornography at a young age is increasingly common, and often unintentional. Yet its impact can be significant. Children and teens may begin to form distorted views of sex, relationships, consent, and body image. It can become a secretive habit, reinforcing shame, confusion, or addiction-like behaviours. For some, it blurs boundaries too early affecting real-world social development or expectations.

There’s also growing concern around online radicalisation, where vulnerable individuals especially isolated young people are gradually drawn into extremist beliefs through forums, comment sections, or carefully crafted videos. This doesn’t happen overnight. It begins with “edgy humour,” then escalates to conspiracy theories, then content that dehumanises others or glorifies violence. The individual feels like they’ve found “truth” or community in an overwhelming world where they don't feel they fit in anywhere else, and suddenly, screen time becomes not just a distraction, but a tool of influence and control.

Children and teens often don’t have the critical thinking skills or the emotional distance to filter this content. What begins as curiosity or boredom can quickly become an unfiltered education in the worst parts of the internet. And if they don’t feel safe or comfortable talking to parents about what they’ve seen, it becomes a secret they carry, shaping their worldview quietly and alone.

These aren't just abstract risks they’re real psychological pathways. When we view emotionally intense or morally confronting material, the brain registers it as a threat. Our threat response systems activate (especially in developing or traumatised brains), leading to increased stress hormones, emotional reactivity, and long-term changes in mood or perception.

But not all content is harmful. There’s also content that heals, inspires, or supports wellbeing. A gentle yoga video can calm the nervous system. An honest interview about overcoming adversity can foster hope. Even a silly comedy, a beautiful piece of music, or a wholesome animal clip can shift a person’s state from anxious to grounded. I’ve seen clients light up after watching something that made them laugh from the gut. That’s medicine, too.

Putting it together

So, when we talk about screen time, it’s not really about the number of minutes or hours, it’s about the quality and intention behind that time. Screens can connect us or isolate us, soothe us or overstimulate us, inspire us or drain us. It all depends on how, why, when, and what we engage with.

The real question isn’t “How much screen time is too much?” but rather, “Is my screen time helping me live the kind of life I actually want?”

Children and Young People: More Than Just Screen Time

Research from the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health in the UK reminds us that there’s no one-size-fits-all limit for screen time in children. Instead of rigid rules, they encourage families to ask reflective questions:

• Is screen use affecting my child’s sleep?

• Are they still active?

• Are they maintaining friendships and interests offline? 

These are important starting points, but they’re only part of the story.  Children have grown up with screens for decades. From the early days of Saturday morning cartoons to educational TV shows, screen time is not new. What is new is the constant availability. Today’s screens aren’t just in the corner of the room, they’re in our pockets, our cars, our kitchens, and even propped on the pram. The line between digital and real-world life is thinner than ever.

What we’re seeing now is not just children using screens, but children being raised in homes where adults are often distracted by them. And this changes the relational landscape profoundly.

The parent’s screen time matters too

Multiple studies and observational work in developmental psychology have begun highlighting an uncomfortable but important truth: the impact of screen time on young children isn’t only about what they watch, it’s also about how often we are watching something else instead of them.

Infants and toddlers are hardwired to seek eye contact, to study our expressions, to mirror our speech, to feel attuned to by their caregivers. But increasingly, children are looking up and seeing the back of a phone. Micro-moments of connection those silly faces, shared giggles, knowing looks are interrupted, cut short, or missed entirely.

I’ve had parents in therapy sessions break down when they realise how often they say “just a second” to a child who is quietly vying for attention. And it’s not about blame. Phones are addictive for everyone. We’re busy, exhausted, overstimulated ourselves. But the cumulative cost of these small interruptions in attunement can impact emotional development, self-worth, and attachment patterns.

Children learn they must work harder for attention or worse, that attention from a parent is unpredictable or conditional on tech being “put down first.” And this can lead to behaviours often interpreted as “naughty” or “attention-seeking,” when what the child is really asking is: Can you see me? Do I matter more than that device?

The loss of boredom and why it matters

Another shift is that we now reach for screens not only to entertain our children, but to soothe them at the first sign of discomfort or boredom. At the supermarket queue, in the car, during dinner, or even while waiting a few minutes in a GP’s office, many children are given a screen to keep them quiet and content.

Again, this is completely understandable. Modern parenting is demanding, and sometimes you just need to get through the moment. But when every moment is filled with stimulation, something important is lost: the ability to be bored.

Boredom isn’t the enemy. In fact, it’s the seedbed of creativity, imagination, and self-regulation. It teaches children to tolerate stillness, to generate ideas, to explore their inner world. Children who never get bored may struggle to know what interests them outside of fast-paced entertainment. They may become easily frustrated, impatient, or reliant on external input for stimulation. In short, constant screen use can rob them of the chance to discover who they are without a screen.

The End of Respite: Bullying in the Age of Constant Access

One of the most profound changes screens have brought to childhood is the loss of safe spaces. In years gone by, children who were being bullied at school at least had a few predictable hours of peace once they left the gates. Home could be a sanctuary. The school day had a beginning and an end. But now, with smartphones in pockets and social media accounts woven into social identity, many young people are never truly “off.”

Bullying doesn’t stop at the door anymore. It follows them home, it shows up in group chats, on Instagram stories, in anonymous apps, in gaming platforms. Even if a child logs off, they often know the conversation continues without them and they worry about what’s being said, what they’re missing, and what might be waiting for them when they next log in.

For some, it’s not just active bullying, but the slow erosion of confidence through exclusion, micro-aggressions, or digital “in-jokes” they aren’t part of. The anxiety of being online is matched by the anxiety of being offline. There’s no true escape. And psychologically, that matters.

Mental health and development

Some studies have linked high screen use with attention difficulties, lower academic outcomes, and increased risk of anxiety and depression in children and teens. While the evidence is often correlational meaning we can’t say for certain that screens cause these issues it’s likely that excessive or dysregulated screen use plays at least a contributory role, especially when it displaces sleep, movement, and real-world interaction.

But it’s also true that screens can provide comfort, connection, and opportunity. For neurodivergent children, those with anxiety, or young people who are socially isolated, online spaces may offer meaningful communities, self-expression, and creative outlets. The digital world can empower children when it’s used intentionally and in balance with real-world experiences.

So when we talk about screen time and children, we need to move beyond asking, “How many hours a day?” and start asking deeper questions:

• What is my child watching, and how does it make them feel?

• Are we still making space for play, rest, boredom, creativity, and connection?

• How often is my child looking at a screen… and seeing me looking at one too?

Screens are not inherently harmful. But without guidance, limits, and awareness from both children and adults they can chip away at the very developmental foundations that help children feel seen, safe, and whole.

Screens and Relationships: A Lifeline or a Wall?

When it comes to connection, screen time is a double-edged sword. It has the power to bring people together in ways that were unimaginable a generation ago. You can reconnect and stay connected to people you haven't seen in years, and even those that live the others side of the world. For many people especially those who are isolated, neurodivergent, chronically ill, living abroad, or going through a mental health struggle screens can be a lifeline. They offer a window to community, to shared experience, to belonging.

I’ve worked with teenagers who say they feel safer opening up to an online friend across the world than to anyone in their real-life peer group. I’ve known expats and new parents who find connection through late-night forums or group chats when everyone else around them is asleep. For some autistic clients, text-based communication or moderated online communities offer a level of control, clarity, and safety that face-to-face interactions often lack.

Even long-distance couples, isolated elderly relatives, or blended families can use video calls, messages, and shared apps to stay close and feel involved in each other’s lives. When used with intention and care, screens can enhance emotional connection not replace it.

On the other, it can quietly erode the very intimacy, presence, and depth that real-world relationships depend on.

The Flip Side: The Illusion of Connection

But here’s the shadow side: digital connection can also become a substitute for true intimacy. We can start to mistake likes for love, scrolling for socialising, and emojis for empathy. Our brains are wired for subtle cues tone of voice, eye contact, body language and these are often lost or diluted in online interactions. Relationships risk becoming shallow, reactive, or performative, rather than deep, reciprocal, and emotionally safe.

I’ve worked with couples who lie next to each other in bed, both scrolling different feeds, barely speaking. They’re physically together but emotionally disconnected. Friends message all day but can’t hold a sustained conversation in person. Family dinners become fragmented by notifications. The device becomes the third party in every interaction a barrier rather than a bridge.

The Social Muscle: Use it or Lose it

The more we rely on digital connection, the less practice we get in navigating the complexities of in-person relationships. Face-to-face communication is messy. It requires patience, vulnerability, turn-taking, repair after rupture. When screens mediate all our interactions, we risk losing some of those social skills.

Young people in particular may struggle with conflict resolution, emotional regulation, or reading non-verbal cues if most of their social learning happens in comment sections, chat bubbles, or filtered stories. Some become so used to controlling how they present online that they find the unpredictability of real-world relationships overwhelming.  I’ve talked before about how this leads to different behaviour in online conflict.

At the same time, the pressure to always be reachable, always performing, always available for digital connection, can drain emotional resources. People talk about “being social” online while feeling deeply lonely offline a kind of connection paradox that leaves them more isolated than before. So is screen time a relationship killer or a connector?

The truth is, it’s neither and both. It depends on how we use it, and what it’s replacing. If screens are enhancing your ability to reach out, to stay close, to connect in meaningful ways when real-life barriers exist that’s powerful. But if screens are standing in the way of intimacy, replacing presence with performance, or numbing the discomfort of genuine emotional connection, then something important is being lost.

The real challenge is to bring intentionality back into how we connect. To notice whether we’re using screens to build bridges or to avoid the discomfort of face-to-face vulnerability. To ask ourselves:

• Are my relationships deeper or shallower because of the way I use screens?

• Am I using digital connection to support my real-world relationships or to avoid them?

• Do I feel more connected after time online… or less?

Screens can connect us beautifully. But true connection still requires attention, presence, empathy, and sometimes, a little bit of discomfort. There’s no app for that.

Why Are We So Hooked?

It’s not just a lack of willpower. Screens and apps are designed to be engaging. They activate our brain’s reward system specifically, the release of dopamine. Every like, new notification, or satisfying video triggers a small reward. Over time, this creates habitual behaviours. We reach for our phones when we’re bored, overwhelmed, lonely, or in need of distraction.

There’s also the principle of "variable reward" a concept borrowed from behavioural psychology. Like a slot machine, sometimes scrolling gives us something good (a funny meme, a heart-warming story, a message from a friend), and sometimes it doesn’t. But we keep trying, just in case. This unpredictability keeps us engaged, especially in moments of emotional vulnerability.

I’ve had clients describe it as a sort of digital trance. One woman told me, “I go on my phone when I’m anxious to escape it, but then I get stuck in a spiral, and afterwards I feel worse.” This cycle is increasingly common. It’s not unlike using food or alcohol to cope only this form of regulation is socially sanctioned and always available.  Addiction is addiction, whatever form it takes and digital algorithms play on this. The irony is of all the conspiracy theories you will see whilst scrolling, no-one seems to get that these algorithms are perhaps the biggest conspiracy theory there is. Feeding us content not based on facts but on keeping us hooked, and shaping our lives and our views of the world.

So What Can We Do? Making Conscious Choices in a Screen-Saturated World

Let me be absolutely clear: this isn’t about shaming anyone for using screens. We all use them. Most of us rely on them for work, for connection, for stimulation, or sometimes just to get a moment of peace. This isn’t about guilt it’s about awareness. It’s about moving from autopilot to intentionality.

Screens aren’t going anywhere, and nor should they. But the way we engage with them can shift gently, gradually, and meaningfully. Here's how.

For Adults: Reclaiming Presence in a Hyperconnected World

• Notice your triggers. When are you most likely to pick up your phone without thinking? Is it boredom? Anxiety? Loneliness? Stress? Many of us don’t even realise how reactive our habits are. You pause for a moment waiting in a queue, lying in bed, sitting in silence and the hand reaches for the phone automatically. Try getting curious about those moments. What are you hoping the screen will give you? Relief? Stimulation? Escape? Understanding this is the first step to changing it.

Personally, I’ve noticed I scroll most when I feel overwhelmed and want to avoid making a decision. It’s less about the phone, and more about wanting something anything to distract me from discomfort.

• Try small boundaries. You don’t have to go full digital detox. Start with manageable changes: No screens at meals. Charge your phone outside the bedroom. Try switching your phone to grayscale removing the colour makes apps less appealing.   Use ‘Focus Mode’ or app timers to gently limit use. These aren’t punishments they’re nudges to help you reclaim little moments of stillness, attention, and rest.

• Replace, don’t just remove. If you use your phone to decompress, cutting it out without a replacement is unlikely to stick. Ask yourself: What need am I meeting with this screen? If it’s relaxation, could music, a short walk, a hot bath, or a good book offer the same comfort? The key is to replace the habit with something that still meets the emotional need just in a more nourishing way.

• Reconnect with flow. Flow is that beautiful state where time disappears not because you're zoning out, but because you’re zoning in. Reading, painting, gardening, baking, fixing things, puzzles, even a deep conversation these are the activities that feed your attention, rather than fragment it. Make space for them. Screens offer quick dopamine, but flow offers restorative satisfaction.

For Parents: Building Healthy Digital Habits as a Family

• Focus less on "how long" and more on "what" and "why." Instead of obsessing over screen limits, get curious about screen function. Is your child watching silly videos to decompress after a stressful day? Are they creating digital art, exploring ideas, connecting with peers, or just passively consuming for hours on end?Ask: What are they gaining? What are they avoiding?

• Build routines that include offline moments. Children thrive on rhythm and predictability. Introduce regular moments in the day that are screen-free by design, not by demand: Shared meals (even once a day). Tech-free mornings or bedtimes.  Family games or walks. Screen-free Sundays or evenings. The goal isn’t perfection, but balance making sure screens are one part of a much richer daily life.

• Be a role model. Children absorb what they see. If they watch us constantly scrolling, checking notifications mid-conversation, or tuning out during meals, that becomes normal. It’s powerful when a child sees a parent putting their phone down to really listen. You don’t need to be perfect just consistent enough that your actions match your values.

I’ve had parents in session say, “But I’m just replying to work!” But from a child’s perspective, it still feels like: “You’re choosing that screen over me.” Even brief eye contact and narrating your action “I’m finishing this quickly, then I’m all yours” can make a huge difference.

• Talk openly and often. Screens are part of life now. Rather than making them taboo or rule-heavy, keep the conversation ongoing. Talk about what you watch, how it makes you feel, the difference between online and offline friendships, and what it means to use screens mindfully. Encourage reflection: “What do you like about that game?”  “How do you feel after watching those videos?” “Do you ever wish you had more time to do something else?” When children feel involved rather than controlled, they’re more likely to develop their own internal compass around healthy screen use.

Not all screen time is escapism. Sometimes it’s exploration. Sometimes it’s self-expression. Sometimes it’s connection, especially for people with disabilities, anxiety, or those living in remote areas, where digital platforms offer access to support and community that might otherwise be out of reach.

How Can Therapy Help with Screen Time Struggles?

Whilst there are some great strategies to try and help yourself, sometimes you might need additional support to understand, and to make changes. If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I know I should put the phone down, but I just can’t,” you’re not alone.

Therapy offers a safe, non-judgemental space to explore what’s really driving your screen habits and to begin creating change from a place of insight, not shame.

1. Understanding the Root Cause

Often, excessive screen use isn’t the problem itself it’s a symptom. Screens can become a coping mechanism for:

• Unprocessed emotions (e.g. anxiety, sadness, loneliness)

• Stress or burnout (using screens to self-soothe or numb out)

• Low self-esteem or perfectionism (avoiding real-world challenges or comparisons)

• Disconnection (feeling more 'seen' online than in person)

• Trauma or emotional neglect (where screens fill a void of comfort, attention, or safety)

A therapist can help you gently unpack what's beneath the habit. When and why did it start? What emotions or needs are being met through the screen? What are you protecting yourself from?

2. Breaking the Shame Cycle

Many people feel embarrassed or guilty about their screen habits. They blame themselves for "wasting time" or "failing at self-control." Therapy can help challenge these internal narratives and introduce self-compassion. Instead of seeing the behaviour as weakness, we begin to understand it as a survival strategy  one that made sense at the time, but may no longer be serving you.

3. Building Emotional Regulation

A huge part of reducing screen dependency is developing alternative ways to regulate emotions. In therapy, you’ll learn tools to manage:

• boredom without overstimulation

• anxiety without avoidance

• loneliness without compulsive checking

• sadness without numbing

This might include grounding techniques, mindfulness, values-based planning (from ACT), or reconnecting with parts of yourself that feel lost in the noise of digital life.

4. Creating Sustainable Change

Rather than rigid detoxes or unrealistic rules, therapy helps you create realistic boundaries around screen use that align with your values and lifestyle. That might mean:

• developing routines that reduce automatic scrolling

• understanding your “digital triggers”

• building in richer offline alternatives

• exploring your identity and relationships outside the screen

You’re not just removing a behaviour you’re learning how to fill the space it leaves behind with something more nourishing.

5. Reconnecting with the Present

At its heart, therapy helps you return to yourself. To be more present in your own life. To notice when you’re checking out and why. And to come back, gently, again and again, to what really matters.

Final Thoughts: From Control to Consciousness

So, I still catch myself slipping into mindless scrolling. I still sometimes grab for my phone instead of talking directly with the people in front of me. I scroll instead of sitting with silence, reach for stimulation when I could reach for connection. I’m human, after all. This isn’t about being perfect it’s about being present. I am aware more than most of the psychological impact of screen time so I keep trying to find that balance.

Let’s approach screen use the way we think about food: not all consumption is equal, and the goal isn’t abstinence, but balance. Not every bite has to be nutritious, but we need enough nourishment to stay emotionally and mentally well. Some content is like a wholesome meal grounding, inspiring, expansive. Some is like crisps: addictive, comforting in the moment, but ultimately unsatisfying. And some, frankly, is like eating junk for every meal it leaves us irritable, disconnected, and depleted.

So ask yourself gently: Is this nourishing me? Is it helping me feel more connected, rested, inspired or just distracted, anxious, and overstimulated?

In a world that’s increasingly digitised, the challenge isn’t how to avoid technology but how to live well alongside it. That starts with awareness, curiosity, and a dose of self-compassion. We won’t always get it right. There will be days we scroll too long, use a screen to soothe when we needed sleep, or find ourselves consuming content we know doesn’t serve us. That’s okay. The point isn’t guilt it’s consciousness.

The real key is intentionality. Are we feeding our minds and hearts or are we numbing, escaping, or overstimulating them? Are we letting algorithms decide what we watch and think or are we choosing what we need in that moment?

Because screens aren’t inherently good or bad. They’re portals.

• Portals to learning, connection, laughter, and inspiration.

• Portals to comparison, overstimulation, anxiety, and disconnection.

What we view through them what we allow into our minds and hearts is what shapes the psychological outcome. Whether it soothes us, stimulates us, scars us, or strengthens us depends not just on the screen, but on our relationship with it. And you CAN choose which portal to view the world by.

So, let’s not aim for perfection. Let’s aim for presence. For honesty. For tiny, conscious decisions that help us, and our children build a digital life that reflects our values, not just our habits.

Because in the end, it’s not about screen time. It’s about your time and what you want to do with it. If you need help reclaiming your time then get in touch. As always until next time.

Carla